Splish Splash….

I am watching Tristan groom his feet as I write tonight, he does this every night without fail. I have never seen anything quite like it, he is so very gently. He tenderly licks them one at a time, turning his paws slowly almost therapeutic, and after he is done with one he safely tucks it under himself. It’s as if he is trying to heal them from everything they have been through. I imagine with the abuse he suffered, his feet have been through a lot. There is speculation that they were burned with lit cigarettes. I do not know this for a fact, but I do know this ritual for him is comforting, that it calms him from his anxiety and soon after he finishes he falls sleep. Most nights when I watch this I end up teary, not because I am sad so much, but because it’s really very beautiful.

I think about my body, what I have subjected it to over the years. How I am not gentle with it, the disdain for what it has become is nothing less than a  deep rooted hatred.

Today a dear friend of mine asked me to swim with her. My first thought was “hell no” I wouldn’t even go to a pool if all the people were blind AND  blindfolded. As I listened to her talk with nothing but love and support in her voice  I realized what she was really offering me.  She was offering to stand beside me, to proudly walk into a place that was hard for me, to say “screw it”  if anyone had a problem with my girth in a bathing suit and to do what is best for me.  I am tired of being ashamed and hating my body so much. On Sunday…early Sunday…Charmaine (thank you love) and I will be at the gym’s swimming pool. I will try to be gentle and tender with myself and think of  Tristan and he sweet paws.

 

 

 

 

14 Comments

  1. Amy Lewis says:

    Lori! Your story about Tristan brought tears to MY eyes, I can’t imagine actually watching that sweet soul. Your writing is fabulous, I’m reading it every day. It started because I wanted to support you and send you good vibes, but I’ve found I’m being inspired to face my own challenges. Stay strong AND gentle. Mucho Love-o.

    • dogl2324 says:

      Amy,

      It means so so much to me that you are following and that you are inspired. My hope has always been for this to be bigger than weight, more universal and that people could apply things they found useful to their own lives, challenges and motivations. Love you girl and can’t wait to start out Euchre nights!
      L

  2. JB says:

    have fun with the swimming! good for you. I think this swimming buddy is Charmaine from fb post…. you two will have a lot of fun! sending good thoughts and friendship.

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