What’s in a name…

Someone asked me what I would do if people made fun of me? If they started making mean comments on the website or facebook? I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the thought of that! I responded with a “Really?” I used to weight over 600lbs, there is nothing anyone can say to me that would come close to the things I have been called, the names, the comments, the hateful jokes, the humiliation. ” Go ahead, knock yourself out if you think you can rattle me at this point.” That is the response you will get from me with the “walls up”, defensive attitude of “screw you”.  The reality is in a second I can think back to one of a hundred moments in my life when I was uprooted, shaken to the core because of the cruelty I suffered being obese.

“Lardass”,  “When is the baby due”, “Did you eat your brothers and sisters?”, “How do your parents afford to feed you?”, “You are disgusting, you make me want to puke, but then you would probably eat it.”, “Damn you’re  fat”…those were some I remember off the top of my head. I was younger, but as I got older and as I grew bigger the snickers and looks of sheer disgust were far far worse than what was actually said.

I was groped, I was spit on, I had food dumped on me. I was humiliated by teachers who hated me because of my size. Yes, Mrs. “English teacher”… I know you hated me and you refused to let me sit in another desk but made me squeeze into the small wooden one. I bled every day that year, from forcing my over-sized body into that desk, it rubbed the skin open on my right side. I still have the scar. I got stuck in a turnstile once and was forced to stand there while they tried to figure out how to take the whole thing apart in front of everyone. A group of kids once sang the LaRosa’s Pizza theme song when I walked by them. I was cussed at by doctors, told I was gross, that I would be dead in a year and I was wasting their time, and that the sight of me made them sick.

I was just a kid, really.

Don’t think I did not have friends, quite the opposite, I was well liked in  both high school and college  and still have some of those great friends. They could not protect me from everything. Most of the things I mentioned above, no one knew about.

I am not writing this because I want you to feel sorry for me, or feel bad for where I have been or what I have experienced.  I want to be honest. I need to be honest. I want to put it out there, to lay it down, to not carry it with me anymore. In order to forgive myself, I must be willing to admit that things could not have been any different. The experience was mine to live through. It was the path I was meant to walk and what I learn along the way is part of who I am. In a world where bullying and harassment runs rampant and kids are killing themselves in record numbers I hope this will offer a different perspective and some insight. Perhaps make compassion the choice over ridicule if anyone reads this and knows someone who could use some understanding and kindness.

What’s in a name? Everything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 Comments

  1. Denise Schry says:

    Funny,I never saw you as anything but a wonderful person! I can honestly say that who you were as a person was what I saw and your pesonality is what I remember the most. I just enjoyed being around you and you made me feel accepted by your crew of friends I invaded! I grew up a little bigger than the rest and I know (by a fraction) what you are talking about. I remember a kid saying that the world would shake if I fell over. He was just cracking a joke but it put a little crack in my confidence….Love you, keep fighting the good fight!

    • dogl2324 says:

      That is one of the reason you are such a special person. Not everyone can do it, not everyone can look past what they see on the outside. Love YOU! Thank you for being there! Oh…and send me mitch’s football schedule so I can root the kid on please! xoxo

  2. Jessica Krogman says:

    By the way, not comparing what doctors did to me to the extreme rudeness and insensitivity you’ve faced, just saying, you’re tough for going through it and you can kick this journey’s a**!

  3. Jessica Krogman says:

    Doctors can be just plain mean at times. They don’t walk in your shoes so they can’t understand your travels. With my brain condition I’ve seen MANY doctors, some amazing, some rude! I told you about the neurologist who asked me if I could walk when I wasn’t losing enough weight. I had another neurologist tell me he couldn’t help me if I wasn’t able to keep a log of everything I ate on a daily basis, if I got a headache what was I doing that day… He said “If you can’t do what I ask, I can’t help you”. I was fourteen. What fourteen year old has the attention span to log their entire life on a graph. I’m proud of what you’re doing. Keep it up!!!

    • dogl2324 says:

      The bedside manner is just as important as the medical knowledge! I totally understand about the graphing your food at 14…what kid can do that realistically? Thanks for the encouragement girl! I am gonna be bugging you to walk next week! 🙂

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