…and then I realized I was swimming
I can still smell the chlorine in my hair from the swim this morning. I purposely did not wash my hair tonight in the shower. Kinda gross, maybe…but the smell in my hair is a reminder of my commitment. Today I swam in public, at a hip heath club with all kinds of perfect people in their perfect outfits doing the perfect exercises. My dear friend Charmaine was right there by my side as I struggled to peel off my Reebok mesh shorts, walked myself over to get into the pool in my bathing suit with a tee shirt over it. For the 15 seconds it took me to get into the pool this morning I was as raw, and naked as I have been in a very long time. All my tender, exposed shame hanging out for all the world to see. I eyed the three men in the pool, one very buff man who was doing some serious laps, in the next lane was a slender guy in the pool who seemed to be killing time as he glided effortlessly through the water. Then I saw him, like a gift from the heavens and I couldn’t believe it! There in the far lane was a large man whose big belly spilled over his trunks in the front and whose laugh made me feel very at ease. ..and just didn’t give a good god damn who was looking at him. If he only new what strength he had just given me.
We swam, and swam and I forgot how good it felt to have the water surround me and feel weightless. To lay down the weight, if only for just awhile, to escape it. I am a good swimmer and I plugged along for 30 minuets not really stopping, trying to keep up a good pace. It was about so much more than the swimming. It was about taking the chance, following through even when I was scared, uncomfortable, being committed to doing things a different way. Looking over and seeing a loving friend who was there for me, who made it safe to take this chance is priceless. I am so grateful for Charmaine and her unconditional support and love. Now we have a standing date every Sunday morning to swim, laugh and sit in the sauna afterwords. Oh la la…but lord it gets hot in there!
Later in the day my friend Jessica who has adopted “Journey” the dog Tristan was with in the horrible place they were both taken from came over. Both dogs were so broken, so scared and so very hopeless but they are both making such amazing progress! The minute Journey & Tristan got together you could see the bond, Tristan just about wiggled out of his skin he was so happy to see his brother dog. The freaking amazing Carolyn Evans aka the Phodographer (check her website here) took time to really put the dogs at ease, lying with them on the floor, being patient and gentle and boy did they respond! The pics will be available to view soon. Tristan and Journey were both so so brave today and they did an amazing job! I can’t wait till Tristan can walk on the leash with me. It will be happening soon, I have total faith in that!
A year ago today, the person I loved the most up and walked out of my life. It almost broke me, that darkness was almost more than I could take. I almost ended it all…but it didn’t break me and I am strong and full of life and so so grateful for the amazing friends that surround my world, my mom who is always there, for the dogs who keep me going and for swimming. Today I am very grateful for swimming.