the measure of me.

Well the good, the bad, the ugly…complete honesty is what I promised.

I am terrified of getting weighed tomorrow. I fear the scale, the scale that has betrayed me so many times. Even though I know for two weeks I have eaten well, eaten less and made good choices, and moved  more than I have the two weeks prior. I am scared of failure of having put it all out there and not be able to deliver. In the past what I would do, how I would cope with stress, anxiety, fear…is to eat. I would eat to forget, eat to comfort and eat to reward feeling sorry for myself. Tonight will be different.  I have made the commitment and promise not to do that,  I simply can’t do that, and so I write. I write and expose my fears to the world on this machine.

If I get on the scale tomorrow and nothing has changed or something has changed in the wrong direction. Then I work harder, I keep going and I don’t give up….not on the amazing people who have stepped up to support me, not on myself and not on Recycled Doggies or the dogs. My goal is  to try to loose 100lbs in a year, not change years of bad habits in two weeks.  As I sit here crying, I look over and what do I see…..yep, Tristan gently licking his feet. I must be good to myself and try to heal. Yet again, he saves me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Moody says:

    I know the feeling, Lori.
    The feeling of anxiety when stepping on those scales.
    The feeling of desperation as the needle keeps going and going and going…
    The feeling of failure as I – yet again – have to buy my clothes one size bigger.
    The feeling of complete usefulness when a goal hasn’t been reached.

    We can do it!
    We can!
    You and I both and everyone who has stepped up and decided to join you on this journey!
    Even if we don’t lose all the weight we set for ourselves, even if we have setbacks, dips and drops and even if we come to times when it all seems hopeless and pointless. We have one thing in common that will keep us going, through thick and thin, through good and bad, over hills and through crashing waves: WE WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!
    And not for us.
    We are the means to an end.
    The end goal is *not* to parade around in our -now sexy- body and have all the boys catwhistle at us.
    The end goal is to make a difference for those doggies.
    Those poor puppies, abused and neglected, deprived of even the most basic elements.

    What we are doing, is not “dieting”, we are saving lives!!!!

    In the end, it will all be worth it!
    No matter how hard it gets, no matter how much we feel like we’ve failed, no matter how often we stumbled and fell. As long as we keep picking ourselves up again and keep going, everything will be alright.
    We are in this for the sake of those sweethearts.

    Sure, we’ll benefit from it, but they will LIVE and that is what matters more than anything.

    Do not fear the scales for they will not beat your determination to save lives!!

    • dogl2324 says:

      Everything you said is totally true Moody! Well said and yes I agree in the end it is to make a difference! We can totally do it! 🙂

  2. Dbbie Rasnick says:

    We are there with you Lori. Win, lose or draw. We are in it for the distance, right there beside you. You will prevail!

  3. Denise Schry says:

    Girlfriend you are amazing, just remember that! A scale can’t weigh the real things that make you what you are!!

  4. leigh says:

    Lori be kind to yourself. I too am on year long journey of losing 100 lbs. try to rememberit is 1 pound at a time. take it a day at a time. I have to remind myself of this all the time. even if the scale hasn’t moved, things are changing in your body. you are on the right path. you are not alone.

    • dogl2324 says:

      Thanks Leigh…thank you for reminding me I am not alone. It matters so thank you.

      L

      • Tina says:

        Leigh is right! You can do it…one day at a time. Dont think about how far away your goal is, just live each day and take pleasure in the fact of how good you feel to be eating so healthy and making your body better on the inside!

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