I bought a new what?!
That’s right. I bought a brand new swimsuit today, because I also bought a membership to the gym this morning so I can swim more than once a week. It’s black with pink stripes up the sides (I think it will make me feel like I am going fast!) I love swimming, and I am not scared anymore to go in public. I will walk with pride the 11 steps (exactly) that it takes to get my exposed self to the stairs of the pool. I will no longer walk with shame, I will no longer be embarrassed of who I am. If people want to laugh at me or judge me then they have to carry that with them, I will no longer use up my energy to worry about it. That is a promise I made to myself today. I am shedding more than just weight in this process, I will not worry about what I can’t control and what people think of me walking through that gym is simply not my issue.
I did not intend to join this morning after my wonderful swim with my good friend Charmaine. I look forward to Sunday morning so much, I love the swimming but it’s also about spending time with her and catching up. When we go in the pool together she gives me confidence just having her there. I have thought to myself “Will I be okay, will I have enough courage to walk to the pool alone”? That is when out of the blue it hit me and I could not stop the tears, they came and I wept and wept, because I am not alone. Every time I walk to that pool, exposing myself for the whole world to see I am not alone. Holly, Bob, Amy, Bailey, Shannon, Rachel, John, Bob, Mel, Gooch, Ashley, Tara, Charmaine, Julie, Patty, Matt, Scott, Katie, Aimee, Shera, Carolyn, Cathy, Chris, Miah, Lindsay, D’Anna, Jessica, Naomi, Mary, Ramiken, Debbie, Buddy, Barb, JoAnne, Amy, Julie, Cheryl, Jen, Cheryl, Suzette, Robin, Tina, Christina, Theresa, Adriana, Karen, Rita, Moody, Julia, Laura, Jeanine, Teri, Etta, Julie, Susan, Kristy, Adrienne, Nicole, Sophie, Angelina, Denise, Rick, Sherryn, Erica, Pam, Brigit, BL, Marggie, Jacquie, Sue Ellen, Trudie, Kersten, Tavia, Elizabeth, Jenny, Kathleen, Alyssa, Jackie, Virgina, Beverly, Gina, Connie, Kerry, Michelle, Karin, Mich, Alicia, Karla, Alyce, Sheri, Patricia, Sally, Marie, Grace, Joe-laurie, Sandy, Heather, Andy, Robin, Carl, Laura, Jocardo, Cassandra, Arja, Deb, Brian, Iris, Ruth, Laurie, Allison, Terrie, Kristie, Beth, Cindy, Christine, Leigh, Gale, Port, Peggy, Veronica, Sue, April, Virginia, Reilee, Vicki Ann, Loreen, Page, Greg, Jessika, Pamela, Esther, Larysa, Leslie, Heidi, Sharron, Tina, Jeanette, Penny, Kathleen, Stephanie, Deb, Patty, Evelyn, Judy, Judi, Ellie, Deanna, Lauren, Lynne, Cindi, Echeaux, Nicole, Shawna, Kiryat, Wendy, Erin, Michele, Eric, Cheryl, Brian, Olga, Valerie, Kellie, Lora, Nikki, Kate, Carla, Abbey, Joey, Mark, Meredith, Amy, Emily, Brandi, Cheri, Tamera, Krystin, Jessy, Amanda, Dawn, Kai, Leah, Chelsea,Jamie, Bay, Miranda, Andi, Samantha, Vickie Jo, Robert, Susie, Gwendolyn, Samantha, Andrea, Summr, Beverly, Jann, Nancy, Lori, Eugene, Carlee, Valerie, Jules, Jef, Sam, Jamie, Maggie, Ben, Penny, Danielle, Nicci, Toni, Megan, Dori, Deonna, Regen, Teddy, Cori, Lissa, Allison, Phyllis, Emma Marie, Alexandra, Stephen, Christa, Greg, Kristin, Alexis, Clyde, Yeah Right, Kevin, Jenn, Marcel, Linda, Sonja, Marcia, Janet, Jayson, Rhonda, Susan, Marci, Leigh, Connie, Kim, Lillian, Dd, Melissa, Jane, Doris…and all the others following on me on my journey. My dogs…Tristan, Tully, Maggie. The shelter dogs who have been saved, who now have loving homes and second chances. All shelter dogs who have died needlessly, alone and scared simply because they existed. I carry your memories with me as I fight my way through this next year…you are not forgotten.
Better get a bigger pool.