“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Oscar Wilde

I have sat at a blank computer screen staring for a pretty long time. Thinking of what to say, how to express my feelings about today. This is hard. I didn’t know how hard the complete transparency of this project would be. It has been an amazing two weeks, I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I have eaten very well, I have exercised  more by swimming, walking, and just moving more in general and my clothes are clearly fitting differently, I moved up a belt notch. I was confident heading to the Dr.’s office today that this was not going to be anything but a day to report a loss in the weight timeline.

I gained 4 pounds.

The tears were flowing before I even had time to catch my breath, it felt like a sucker punch to the chest. Then the first sign that I am surrounded by the people I need to be, and that I am with the right Doctor happened. Dr. Beiter was right there by my side. She gave me a hug and we walked to a private room, she sat with me for a long time. She let me cry, she let me be frustrated and mad…pissed off because I HAD made good choices, and worked hard! Then calmly she told me what I needed to hear.

1.) Muscle weighs more than fat. No one wants to hear it and it’s not an excuse but a reality.I am moving more, swimming, biking, walking.

2.) I lost 18 pounds in the first two weeks, that is a large amount of weight and my body is adjusting to the changes I have introduced to it.

3.) I have not failed. I have not done anything “wrong” or “bad” and that my success is not measured by a number alone.

4.) Then she said something that made me realize it is all perspective  and I have to let go of the number and not beat myself up. “If you had come in here for your weigh in after the first 2 weeks and had lost 10 lbs, then come in today and lost 4 lbs you would be pretty happy right?” The bottom line, the big picture is that I have done well my first month. I have lost 14lbs which is 3.5lbs a week.

This is where I have a choice, I can be sad and look at it as a failure or I can proudly lift my head up and take one step forward, not stay in the same place and not move backward. I am choosing to move forward proudly saying to you that even though today’s weigh in did not reflect a loss I have succeeded.

First Month=

14 lbs lost along with a ton of shame and got myself to the pool+began walking regularly with the dogs and with a group+ did not binge, or make emotionally driven eating choices+ I raised almost $500 for the dogs.

I promised complete honesty and this is part of the path I will walk. I refuse to call today a failure. This is the struggle of losing weight.

“what it takes to cross the great divide
seems more than all the courage i can muster up inside
although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side
the prize is always worth the rocky ride” – ES 

The rocky ride is part of the this journey. I will keep doing the best I can, fighting my way through until I reach the other side.

 

 

 

 

 

32 Comments

  1. Josh says:

    But if the weather holds… we’ll have missed the point…
    That’s where I need to go…

    And you’re well on your way, Lori. When we talked last week, I continued reading, and this is as far as I’ve made it, but I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the reading has been. You’re a very special woman, and without even knowing what’s happened in October, without knowing what you’ll weigh by 8/31/2012, I know that you’ve succeeded – it will only get better from here.

    <3

    • dogl2324 says:

      Aww I love that you know the IG lyrics! Thank you for reading, for supporting me and for your sweet hugs when I see you. xoxo

  2. Tina says:

    I definitely can relate to this! I hate the fact that I check my weight everyday. There are so many variables to weight loss, that weighing yourself everyday can actually be bad for the mental aspect of evrything. I’ve been exercising and eating very clean for the past 3 weeks, and the scale says that I’ve only lost 3 pounds?!? That is a huge frustration…but then again, my clothes do fit differently and I am noticing that I do look like I’m thinning down. I am trying my best to stay motivated and keep the discipline going. Don’t worry about the “number”. We will gain muscle if we’re working out…which will only help us burn more calories and lose weight! :o)

    Stay positive! You’re doing amazing!!! ;o)

    • dogl2324 says:

      Thanks Buddy, it is so so hard when you want that number to be lower when you work hard and are making good choices! Ugh so frustrating…but I have to have faith that my body needs a little time to adjust and it may actually be like that for a while before it settles into all the changes I am making! Thanks for being so supportive! xo

  3. Lillian says:

    This is so hard and you’re doing so well. I’m sending a donation for the looser belt.

  4. Denise Schry says:

    Lori, When Bob told me about the weigh in I was thinking damn that girl gained 4 pounds of muscle, she must be working her a** off!! I hope you use your new muscles to hold those pants up!! You are doing great, just think of all those calories those new muscles will be burning off!!!

  5. John Simpson says:

    …14lbs and a “ton of guilt”…I’d say you are doing great!

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