Today was insane. Today had the potential to derail me and be a bad day. It did not derail me and here is why. I took the time to make a plan and I followed through even when it would have been easy to stray from the plan. My day started at the eye doctors this morning with my pupils the size of pancakes and as I drove to work, it was like playing a game of “Frogger” things were coming at me and I just tried to avoid anything that looked like..well anything. Got to work immediately went into a meeting with my jumbo pupils still not able to look without squinting. ( I missed the first meeting of the day that had food offered in it -whew!) I had brought my lunch….which was salmon with a dijon, shallot, honey glaze, butternut squash mash and roasted beets. We had an event tonight, so I worked until about 7:45 then I went swimming at the gym. I brought my duffel bag of stuff with me to work so I changed into my swimsuit at work and put my work out clothes over it and then off to the gym I went. I would have been easy to say I was just too tired to swim.
I swam for about 45 minuets and about half the time I was alone in the pool. It was dark outside and the whole area is glass so it felt like I was swimming outside at night with the stars and the moon. It was beautiful really, and I thought about how lucky I was to be there. How lucky I am to have the support that has given me the courage to take the steps toward being free from this weight I carry. As I was swimming I looked up and could see above me on the second floor a girl running on a treadmill. I kept watching her, the repetition, the stride, the effortlessness of the task she was doing. I want to run. Not because I think I will like it, not because I think it will make me lose weight, but because I can’t. I have not run since I was a little kid. I want to run before I die I want to know what it feels like to have my body move through space with the stride that woman had tonight, to feel my feet touch and lift off again in a symphony of well orchestrated steps and bound forward feeling the world fly by me. I have a way to go before I can run but I do not want to forget how I feel when I see the lady above me run.
I am not where I want to be yet, but it feels so so good not to be back at the place I was…..