Loving and Letting go.
In a split second she was gone. It was over, the fight, the struggle, the pain dissolving into nothingness and what remained was a roomful of soft glowing love. It was everywhere and washed over me like the warmest comforting blanket sent down from God himself. As I felt myself take in a big chestful of air to breath in one last time the breath I shared in the room with my beloved Aunt I could smell the combination of my Uncle Dal’s cherry smoking tobacco and the lilac perfume of my grams and I knew she was home.
My days have been filled with funeral arrangements, making calls, being with my mom at the nursing home cleaning out my Great Aunt’s things which for me was a challenge. I must say as I walked the hall to her room, turning right just past the canteen I saw the wheelchairs packed in close together most of them starring into space, mouths open, fixated, not moving seeing the void in their eyes…I felt the lump in my throat and prayed I could hold back the tears and as I walked closer I realized that actually they were all looking up at the big screen TV watching “One Life to Live”… I laughed out loud which felt kinda good. Ah, the power of canned drama with bad acting…totally captivating.
I am asking for strength as I do a reading at her memorial service tomorrow and say a few words. Her life spanning 88 years is filled with so many stories and adventures. A life well lived and one to be celebrated by all those lucky enough to experience her sweet smile.