Running down a dream.
Last night I walked into the gym, met my good friend Jessica and off we went to find side by side treadmills that were available. One foot up then the other and I began to walk. Jessica is a runner, she runs with dogs almost every day it is her job and her passion. I am comfortable with her, there is never judgement and she always makes me feel like things are normal, like I am normal and that the idea of me running is not out of reach and so tonight I ran.
I ran in 30 second intervals, mixed with walking. I ran a quarter of a mile. At one point Jess said to me “you’re running, remember when you wrote about being in the pool and seeing the girl run, now you are running!” I thought about it, and the only thing that kept me from crying was being pretty sure that if I cried I would end up flying off the back of the treadmill.
On October 25th in a blog entry called “nightswimming” I wrote the following words:
“As I was swimming I looked up and could see above me on the second floor a girl running on a treadmill. I kept watching her, the repetition, the stride, the effortlessness of the task she was doing. I want to run. Not because I think I will like it, not because I think it will make me lose weight, but because I can’t. I want to run before I die I want to know what it feels like to have my body move through space with the stride that woman had tonight, to feel my feet touch and lift off again in a symphony of well orchestrated steps and bound forward feeling the world fly by me. I have a way to go before I can run but I do not want to forget how I feel when I see the lady above me run.”
Now I am going to tell you , it was far from effortless, light years away from a symphony of well orchestrated steps and to be honest probably pretty rough to watch. I WAS RUNNING !!! Nothing else mattered. It is going to be a very slow process to actually run any distance at once but as I have learned half the battle is getting started. I have to be kind to my body and not push too hard as to hurt myself but this feels really good. I can’t thank Jessica enough for taking time in her busy world to stand next to me as I run down a dream…quarter mile at a time.