The gift with a pink ribbon.
It seems like my life has been all about me for the last several months. I know in some ways it is a necessity as I focus on what I am trying to accomplish. What is Lori eating, when is Lori walking, who can Lori call when she is sitting 10 feet from a drive thru ready to dive into a half pound juicy bite of regret. Tonight I was reminded that the world spins madly on, in spite of myself. A casual friend who I don’t see all that often, but who I really like and always find hilariously funny and good spirited came up to me as I was thinking about the weigh in tomorrow and while I was negotiating the list in my head of how my last two weeks have gone, running through my last few days of exercise wondering if jogging on Sunday and swimming on Monday would be enough as I did not do anything formal last night or tonight as far as exercise goes. I haphazardly asked how she was barely looking up at her, she responded “I got breast cancer. They are gonna cut my titty off”
It didn’t register at first and my only thought was wondering how long it had been since I heard the word “titty”, like 3rd grade? Then the reality of what she actually said to me seeped in as I felt the taut expression on my face, the bones in my jaw fighting desperately to keep my mouth from hanging open in a swirling mix of fear and disbelief. Mind racing at full speed…what do I say? WHAT DO I SAY? As I am searching for the right words to comfort her I realize she is talking a mile a minuet, I am looking at her as she is laying it down in front of me. Oh how I know all to well what it feels like to have that need. I do not say anything. She simply needs me to listen to her, and so I did. The gift is a welcome tap on the shoulder, the much needed reality check that people walk all around me in pain, broken, scared and holding the worst news of their lives. I continue my work on judging less, understand more, and loving unconditionally.
As I was walking to my car, the rain beating down, I picked up the pace and lifted my feet and before I knew it I was running to my car and in a split second with the cold rain on my face dancing with the red hot sting of my tears it all became crystal clear. On September 29th, 2012 I will be running the Susan G. Koman 2k race for the cure.
Better get those running shoes pronto.