I have thought for many months now what to say in this post, just how much to loosen the cloak of secrecy when it comes to talking about this day last year. My life had fallen apart and I was simply going through the motions day in and day out. Trying to find a way out of the maze of nothingness, of withoutyouness and it led me to a very dark crossroad. I had lived through a substantial amount of pain in 39 years, the illness and death of my father, the brutality of my morbid obesity both physically and mentally, and the cruelty of a society that can make you feel worthless even at your very best. Yet what ultimately would bring me to my knees was love.
I woke in the morning and something was different, I felt different sitting in the sunlight of my bedroom oblivious to everything else with the exception of the thought that would not clear from my mind. I could not rebound, I tried for months to overcome the emptiness, the loss, and on this day the thought of not waking up finally sounded better than the thick fog of palatable pain I woke up in every morning. What would happen that day would be the lowest point of my life in many ways, with one exception, one last hail mary in the 4th quarter with 5 seconds on the clock.. For me, my hail mary came in the form of a dog. This dog, intake #151 at the county shelter.
In his face, I would see the emptiness, hopelessness, betrayal and pain I felt inside of myself. I simply had no choice, it was out of my control, he would save me that night. The night I told Shannon I would foster this dog that was to be put to death the next morning. He had been abused beyond comprehension, his spirit uprooted like a weed yanked from the earth and simply disregarded as trash.
The two of us would find our way together out of the darkness in the following months, and I realized fairly quickly that with me and the schnauzers is where his forever home would be. The power of love is amazing and #151 who would come to be Tristan would teach me such glorious lessons of what it means to love unconditionally, be patient, kind, selfless and brave, oh the world could learn such lessons from this brave, brave boy. He would inspire me to change my life and to give back to the world around me. One year ago today a girl and a dog saved each other.
Thank you my sweet, sweet boy.