Yes, I am still following my NCAA bracket which has all but disintegrated into a pile of airless basketballs. I can’t really be surprised, I based my picks of which teams outfits or colors were best, or what towns had the best BBQ (North Carolina or Kansas?) and which cities or states have given me the best vacation memories. March brings many things besides basketball. It’s when mother nature flings us a little taste of glorious sunny days and gives us hope for what the near future holds. It’s remembering a lost love on their birthday and it’s the shamrock shake, green beer celebrations of St. Patrick’s Day.
I have to admit in the past I have not been too big on St. Paddy’s day but this year I would celebrate. The plans had been made and I would meet up with dear friends at Sarah and Tony’s house… of course Big Al would be there too along with Jen and Kevin. I was completely honest with Lindsey, I told her that I was just going to go have a good time, I was not going to set limits and that I just wanted to enjoy a night without the handcuff of what “rules” there would be. It had been over 7 months since I had a night were my accountability had been lifted and put on the back burner. Lindsey said “ok, but I am going to work you hard Friday and Sunday” that seemed fair to me..until Friday when I thought I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed on Saturday.
Well Saturday evening was a blast, we laughed, we danced and we drank….responsibly with a designated driver. I had a good time, maybe a little too good but it felt nice to be out and while I took a break from “accountability” I know Sarah had her eye on me and like the amazing friend she is managed to keep me to one chicken wing on the junk food front! In the end it was such a fun night and felt good to let loose a bit. It was a late night, no it was an early morning! I am not going to lie, Sunday was rough, oh yes it was and there is no doubt I am O.L.D at 40 and in no way should I be trying to keep up with 23 year old “Big Al” who still has her college stamina fully intact! It is often overlooked and taken for granted to have friends who make sure you’re safe and who know just what you need and when you need it. I adore them for it.
The next morning I woke up to Tristan’s cold nose poking at me to get up and let everyone out, he loves when I occasionally sleep on the couch and Saturday night the couch was as far as I made it before falling soundly asleep. Strong coffee and advil would be the breakfast of champions as a friend informed me. A text from Lindsey reminded me to drink plenty of water. I had to work at 1:00pm at Playhouse for a few hours, so I slowly went through my morning routine, thinking about the workout that was going to happen at 6:00pm. Maybe I can call and can… no that is not an option, I made a deal with Lindsey and she is giving me her time and her talents and she cares about this project and me and that I succeed. Off to the gym I would go and we would work hard, and Lindsey would not let me slack or use how I felt or how tired I was as an excuse to not do the hard work. In the end I would would walk away feeling amazing and very proud of myself, and it didn’t occur to me till I was on my way to Tony and Sarah’s to join them and Big Al for our weekly healthy Sunday “family dinner”, that in the past this would be a huge pitfall, it would have been something I could not recover from easily and certainly would not get back on track the VERY next day, it would be a week of beating myself up or a month which could be 5lbs or 50lbs of self hatred and punishment for one night of indulgences. I talk about it often because it has been such a vicious cycle that held me back for years. This was different, and it’s the way I want to live life, to be able to enjoy celebrations once in a while with some indulgences. Knowing that one day, one night, one meal did not make me morbidly obese and that I am stronger than the past demons that I have spent a lifetime running from. I am standing still now.
Tonight I worked out with Lindsey again, and my friend Jessica stopped by to work out for about 20 minutes with us before her yoga class, which was great! There are just no words to fully explain how working out with Lindsey makes me feel, I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed and she has me doing things I never thought I could do! We ran a half lap together with 5lb weights above our heads. We laugh and joke and have a good time and she doesn’t care a lick about what other might people think or say so neither do I …and that is the prize in the cracker jack box! Having someone stand beside you when you do the hard stuff and can say to you “You got this” and mean it…. is priceless. We did an exercise tonight that I told Lindsey I love because it makes me feel like a skinny person, she grinned at me and said then lets do 5 more…..
How can it feel so good, to be so sore!
I have been given a tremendous gift and I know this, chances just don’t come round again, not like this. I am grateful for it all.