Crawling and Scratching.
I feel like I am pulling myself toward the 50lb mark with all my might, but not quite there. Today’s weigh in was not bad, I managed to lose the 4 lbs I gained and 2 additional pounds for a 6 lbs loss this weigh in bringing me to 343. It seems like breaking through the 50 mark has been such a hard fight, I am exhausted.
Exhaustion is a welcome feeling, because I have never felt so glad to be so well spent. I am almost addicted to running on the treadmill as well as my workouts with Lindsey. I am learning how to eat socially, how to go out and not have a cocktail or glass of wine with every “celebration” and to know the difference between eating because I am hungry and eating to fill the emotional belly of myself. I am a different person than when I started this journey and not just my physical self. My goals are different, my priorities are different and how I want to leave my mark on the world looks very different than it did 6 months ago. I am much less tolerant to be around people who don’t care about others, who lack genuine kindness, and seem to have the ability to spread their fowl energy like a case of head lice in 4th grade. Thanks, but no thanks. Those changes can not be defined in a number, though I am going to keep working hard and hope that I will reach the 50lb mark by the next weigh in, just in time for the 5k on May 5th.
In the next two weeks there will be more hard workouts with Lindsey and Jess laced with laughter and sweat, more running with Amy, Emily, Brandi, singing to me as I push to run further on the treadmill, more walking and healthy Sunday dinners with Big Al, Tony and Sarah, more kind words from strangers, more tears when it gets hard, more friends rallying around me when I need them, more understanding and loving myself when I want to give up, and more kisses from Tully, Maggie and of course Tristan who is the reason for it all.
Thank you for following along and for the mountains of glorious support!