One foot in front of the other to win this race.

That is all really, the simple act of just moving forward by putting one foot in front of the other. It is what I have done for 8 months now and what I will continue to do. The 5k tomorrow is just a small part of the race I have already won. Don’t get me wrong, I am gonna run like hell and push and do my very best wearing one of the t-shirts I had made with the dog-lbs info on it that has the names on the back of those running with me, mine is a little different mine simply says “Tristan” on the back. He is the reason for it all really.

The truth is I won the day that Jessica said I should try to run part of the 5k, the day Lindsey’s face lit up an the put the wheels in motion to train, the moment Charmaine asked if I would like her to run beside me.  The realization that I love how it feels to run, going to get shoes and the lessons that came with that experience. Writing about it, documenting it, living it. The road getting here has been the real prize. Tomorrow Lindsey, Jessica and Charmaine will run with me when I can and walk beside me when I can’t run, that may very well be the biggest prize of all. The tears appear at the thought of all they have done for me.

You have to walk before you can run, and for the walking group that for months walked beside me when that is all I could do, I am forever grateful. I would not be running without the walking we did, it was the very first “training” that I was doing without knowing it at the time.

I am beat, it’s bedtime (Lindsey is gonna kill me for being up this late) and so I will close this. Here is the song I will be listening to when I feel like I can’t go any further. It is the song that has been the soundtrack for me since the beginning of September.  Check it out if you have not heard it.  Thank you all for holding the space for me when I couldn’t do it for myself, the kind words of encouragement when I had doubts and rooting me on….thank you for getting it, and understanding. I used to think it was a song about rescuing Tristan now I realize for me,  it’s a song about rescuing myself.

See you at the finish line!

P.S Thank you Shannon for making me stick to my guns tonight! I wanted some of the dessert wine, but just like Jesus in reverse I turned my wine into water!

 

The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know that my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

p. hanseroth

recorded by b. carlile

 

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