Someone’s looking out for you.

This past weekend has been a bittersweet mix. Early birthday celebration for my Mom, a visit from a dear old friend and making some hard decisions when the unexpected happens, when devastation peeks out from under the covers and lets you see just enough to know there is simply nothing you can do but be there.  Sometimes I think seeing others you love go through pain and heartbreak is harder than dealing with your own struggles. Throw in Tristan being brave and making huge strides in trusting, loving and being brave (which will have it’s own post soon)  means I  have been a hot mess of emotion.

Sunday morning I swam with Charmaine and we welcomed our dear friend Julia to join us for our Sunday morning routine of S&S (swim and sauna), I knew that the time spent in the pool was nowhere near the kind of workout I have been doing and it just seemed incomplete and I felt myself asking “What would Lindsey want me to do?” then I thought about it as I was grabbing my gym bag (with running clothes inside) realizing the question I need to start asking is “What do I want to do?”  I wanted to run. I had promised myself I would work a little harder since we had gone for a nice dinner for my Mom’s early birthday the night before. It had been an indulgent meal, but in moderation. Moderation, a term I am just now learning the meaning of at 40 years old. I changed out of my swimsuit and into my running clothes walked the stairs to the second floor seeking out my favorite treadmill (it’s the one you can see from the pool, the one I would longingly watch people run on 7 months ago) I decided I would see how fast I could run one mile.

I say run because I only walked two times, both times less than two minutes the rest was running. I pushed hard and have been increasing my pace. I know I am getting stronger I can feel my body changing now, it’s beyond amazing to me. Jessica was right, running is addictive. When I started out on the treadmill it would take me about 25-30 minuets to walk/run a mile. Sunday it took me just over 17 minutes to go one mile. I know that is not considered a fast time, it’s double what an army recruit must run, but I think about the young man with cerebral palsy crossing the finish line of the Flying Pig 5k and I am reminded that it is not about anyone else. My goals come because of who I am and the road I have traveled, they are mine to hold high with no measure against anything other than my own hard work and determination. This is the picture I sent to Lindsey (who was out of town) when I finished because while I know I have to do it for myself, there is no doubt she inspires and motivates me to push further, work harder and expect more of myself than I ever have before.



Fast forward to last night, my long time friend and once house mate,  Bob is in town for a visit and he did not hesitate at all to come to the gym with me on his “vacation”, he has always been so supportive despite the package I have come in, he has loved me unconditionally. He swam while I went straight for the treadmill. I was having a hard time, struggling through I wanted to get in two miles but found myself pushing to get to one mile. Someone hopped up on the treadmill next to me, I was focused on running listening as Tina Turner sings to me that I am simply  “The Best” and I come to a stopping point of running and slow down a bit to a fast paced walk, looking over to see the sweet face of my friend Matt. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I get what I need when I need it in some mysterious way. Matt smiles his breathtakingly beautiful smile at me and says “I thought that was you.” I pushed through and with Matt’s help, he motivated me to get to the two mile point, even reaching out his hand to me at one point and that is how we ran. I adore him, and his crazy sweet heart.


Sometimes you do need someone to just hold your hand along the way.



Me and Matt after our workout

I sometimes find it hard to get my head around just how much support and love that surrounds me these days, overwhelmed in the best possible way, paralyzed in a state of striving to reach all the goals I have set for myself in hopes of making the world around me a better place.


I am gonna end this post with a pic of me and my sweet mom at the first of her birthday celebrations over the weekend. As she turns 70  this coming Saturday I want to make sure to always take time to listen to her, make time to go on crazy fun adventures together and try to  let every good time make a memory because in the end that is what you are left with.


Mom and I celebrating her upcoming birthday



“And when you feel like giving in
Or the coming of the end
Like your heart could break in two
Someone loves you” b.carlile



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