Day 6 (of 10)
Well it is the end of a very long day, so long there was not specific meals just food. Here is what I did not eat…the pizza I ordered for my staff who worked a long day with me. I brought my own food and here is what I had today.
Coffee 3 cups
a scone with red fat cream cheese and fresh strawberries
1/4 cup granola
one turkey burger with tomato and avocado (no bun) and water
Iced mocha coffee with skim mil, no whip (medium)
second turkey burger with a slice of cheddar, ketchup and a serving of baked pretzel chips and water
a second scone (the scones are homemade and gluten free)
1 bourbon and coke.
It was not necessarily my best day, but far from my worst…and in the end I stayed out of the pizza, which I wanted very badly but the reason I wanted it was for no other reason than stress. Every time things got hard I felt myself migrate to the pizza boxes, but in the end I knew I would have to write down on here that I ate it. I also could see the encouraging words of so many, those words stick with me…I could literally see the words “I am proud now” from Shannon, flashing in front of my pizza tunnel vision view. It’s the little things that reach out and tap me on the shoulder saying “hey, people care, people are following and reading and it matters, the choices you make matter”. I was stressed and I felt like I deserved it, like I should be able to have it if I want it, but I can’t not if I want to keep moving forward. I finally found my voice and could hear it loud and clear…realizing what I deserve is to be true to myself and putting pizza in my mouth because I am stressed out and want something to fill that uneasy feeling, a distraction of the pressure and panic. This will not come from food…not today.
Whew week is over, tomorrow I swim and then run with Charmaine and spend a little time catching up with chores. I am figuring it out, I really am.
Good night all….more tomorrow.