Day 8 (of 10)

One thing leads to another. It started out after work, I made my way to the gym for a run  before Jessica and I met up to take a yoga class.  I have never really tried yoga of any kind, never feeling like my body could come close to the poses you often see in your mind when someone says the word”yoga”.

I ran long enough to become a sweaty mess, stopped in the locker room to douse my face in cool water, change my shirt and then met up with Jessica. I think she could tell I was a little nervous. “if you can’t do something it’s okay, just do what you can”, I made a b-line for the very back of the room. I retrieved my mat and carefully placed it along side of Jessica’s, I looked around and  then I stopped myself, it does not matter if you are the biggest person in the room…you belong here. There was a split second that I wanted to look at Jess and tell her I couldn’t, that I had a bad feeling that I would not be able to do much. That inside voice told me, begged me not to give up….just try. So I did.

Here is what I can tell you, all of my failed attempts at “planking” with Linds have let me master the downward dog. I am really good at it. As we moved our bodies through the space of the room, breathing and finding strength in the movement, I was at times overwhelmed at what I could do. There were some things I could not do or things I  had to modify but for the most part my body was able to stretch,  bend,  fold and reach and it felt so good to be in control. Twice I had to stop myself from crying…there is no crying in yoga! Okay, maybe there is.

I loved the class and being there with Jess,  eventually letting myself feel safe and comfortable in the back of the room, which I realize is OK. If that is where I feel comfortable right now, who cares. When class ended and I got in my car I was still feeling very emotional. I was looking for the Reds game on the radio I forgot they were on the west coast tonight, but instead I found this song…I had never heard it before. The words came at me like an arsenal of the sappiest of hallmark cards disarming me as the tears flooded my cheeks.  I sat in my car out front of Schneider’s Sweet Shoppe eyes swollen, tears running down my cheeks listening as Jason Mraz sang  the words of a love song to myself of sorts….

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

 

To love yourself completely without judgement may be the hardest accomplishment in life. To achieve it just may be one of the very best things life has to offer.

 

 

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As promised:

Breakfast:

2 cups coffee with cream and a little sugar

one hard boiled egg, and one bananna

Snack: Peach and a serving of low fat cottage cheese, water.

Lunch: 1 1/2 cups of the veggie lasagna and a bag of baked lays , water.

Snack: 10 almonds and an apple

Dinner: 2 slices ezekial bread, fresh sliced tomato, spinach, one slice cheddar and a laughing cow to spread on the bread. One serving of baked pretzel thins. Water.

Snack: Small piece of angelfood cake, raspberries, blueberries and 2 tbs of Truwhip.

8oz of gatorade.

2 piece of gum.

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Terri says:

    Lori,
    I applaud your courage. I’m only brave enough to do yoga in the privacy of my own home. My dogs don’t judge me when I can’t do a downward facing dog.
    P.S. Love the Jason Mraz song too.

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