Hit me with your Bess shot.
Work has exploded for me as the Cincinnati Opera’s fabulous production of Porgy & Bess has become the hottest ticket in town. It is chaos in my world, busier than any other time of the year for me. Temptations are harder to avoid, and my time at the gym becomes a frantic desperation to find 60 minuets at a time to get myself there. This is not an excuse, just a insight into where I am at right now that does impact the schedule of how I have been doing things, an adjustment that I have to be able to cope with because that is part of life. I stepped on the scale at Dr. B’s this morning and was up 2lbs and I was upset…no I was furious. I was so, so good while Linds was gone, I ate well, I got myself to the gym when I could and I really thought I would see it reflected on the scale. I was upset, and Dr. B knew it though I try to have the “chin up” attitude. The “failure” feeling is such a struggle for me, imbedded much deeper than I guess I ever realized. Chipping away at it little by little. The number is just that, it is a representation it does not begin to tell the whole story. I keep telling myself this over and over. Yet, I struggle when I feel betrayal by the numbers that flash before me.
So she says to me in her amazingly wise way “a gain is not always a loss” and when I thought about it, she is right. I have such a hard time letting go of the number, I don’t want to disappoint anyone, not Dr. B, not Shannon or the dogs I am trying to help, or a laundry list of all the amazing people who are following and showing me such love and support… and certainly not Lindsey who I desperately wanted to surprise with a loss on her return from vacation. I promised Dr. Beiter I would make a list of some things I did right this week.
1.) I tried Yoga and loved it.
2.) Wanted sooo much to cut a big ole piece of cake that was in the break room at the office..but didn’t
3.) Convinced myself not to go to the gym one night after work, and yet found myself sitting in the parking lot digging around for my headphones knowing going in was the right thing to do.
4.) Honored my promise to blog honestly about what I ate and when I exercised while Lindsey was on vacation.
5.) I did not and will not give up.
I move forward one small step at a time.