Building a bridge with mental blocks.
When I think back to things I have learned over the last 11 months, hovering toward the top is not selling myself short. It is a concept that spans through many areas of my life and something I have nurtured in some weird way to the point that it had become acceptable.
Settling is something I am no longer comfortable with, it is terrifying and yet the most exciting thing I could ever have imagined. The notion that “I can’t” has slowly been replaced with the knowledge that I most certainly can. It may not be as fast as I want it to happen, it may not be as easy or pretty as I hoped but the mind game of giving up or not trying at all has certainly shifted.
I remember very clearly running with Lindsey toward the beginning, we were outside along the river when I said let’s run to the telephone pole, and she said let’s run to the bridge past the telephone pole. I told her I could not do it, and she said let’s try. I moved at a painstakingly slow pace and was sure I could not make it, I was sure I would have to stop and as we reached the telephone pole, I thought to myself you are done, you can’t make it. Lindsey shouted “keep going, push through it” somehow my feet did not stop till we reached the bridge. What your mind says you can do, and what you are truly capable of two very different things.
I think about all the times I use the excuse “I can’t” with no other explanation or reason needed. I just accept it and once it get’s into my head then the rest of me believes it as the truth. The mental blocks throughout my life have built nothing but walls for me, eventually closing me in and trying too shut me down…
I can’t foster this dog.
I can’t face another day alone.
I can’t run.
I can’t possibly lose weight.
I can’t write anything people will want to read.
I can’t do it…
but I have.
As I go into the last month of the initial 12 month dog-lbs project, I have made a commitment to myself that “I can’t” is no longer welcome in my world.
No more walls, only bridges and when I am ready I will walk across to the next place I need to be.