Poison & Whine
I have done it for years, made excuse upon excuse until the stack of them so high I could not see beyond the heaping pile of cop-outs before me. Deals made to myself, promises to start a diet, a change, a workout regime anything to move from the place I was stuck in at the time. Always convincing myself to start the following month, week, Monday…after the birthday party, wedding, vacation or whatever social gathering I wanted to be able to indulge in and not have any consequences.
That time is in the past for me and there ARE consequences and I am so glad the deal is already made so that even when I make a not so good choice, I am back on it immediately, which leaves no time to second guess if I should have had that giant cheeseburger, fries and cake then start again the week, month, or following Monday.
Today was one of those days that as I sit here and write about it, I realize it was a test and a reward all wrapped up in one. I slept in this morning…till 8:00am! I am not sure the last time I have had that luxury as Tristan is not a late sleeper and he is ready to roll at the first break of sunlight that peeks through the curtains. The schnauzers on the other hand would sleep till noon if you let them, especially Tully! I did not want to get up, rather lounge around dancing in and out of that happy place of drifting off and being just conscience enough to know the dogs have cuddle in next to me. Ultimately the sweet dogs needed to be let out and after I let out a whine toward the dogs, I plopped myself down the stairs to start my day.
Poor Lindsey is sick with a fever and needed to take care of herself with rest so she would not be able to make it to the noon workout we had set up for today. In her last text message she said to me “and make sure you still make it to the gym”, Damn, I had already talked myself out of not going, or so I thought . I “deserved” to not go, I have worked hard, I have done well, so what is it going to hurt if I just don’t go. The argument in my head went on and on as I changed into my workout clothes, gathered my things and headed out the backdoor. I actually huffed at myself in disgust of giving in to the “good” inside my head workout voice… “FINE” I blurted to myself as said goodby to the dogs and went on my way.
I drove slow, stopped for gas and after updating my facebook status to say I was at the gym, I knew there was no going back. Finding a good treadmill I started moving while listening to my music. As I started I was STILL whining in my head, my toe hurt where I had cut the nail a little too short and it had pulled into the flesh. I knew that my toe was not going to fly as an excuse to Linds as to why I punked out on my workout. I was NOT sick, just lazy. So as I am lamenting about my toe and telling myself that I have to do at least a mile ,next to me pops up this woman who is in incredible shape, she began to run, and she ran in that effortless, confident,beautiful way that I covet. I watched her out of the corner of my eye and when my head turned back to center and I saw my reflection in the mini television screen on the treadmill, and I asked myself “Do you want it, or not?” Apparently I wanted it because I actually got a little mad, a little fired up so I ran and I ran, and I ran faster than I have before for two miles stopping for small breaks then returning to my hard rock, in your face, music playlist that had me sweating like Santa in a sauna. Thank you lady, whoever you are, your simple presence kicked me into gear and I am very grateful.
It’s not easy, and there are times that it is crawling and scratching to make even the slightest nudge forward but it pays off in the end. It really does. I felt so good and so confident in my sweat soaked shirt that I proudly walked over to the area Lindsey and I often set up shop in and gathered the equipment necessary to do an ab/upper body strength workout. I knew what I had to do and I gathered the big red exercise ball, the 7.5 weights, the disc weight and a mat. I worked out for 30 minuets going through what Linds would have me do, or trying to come close. ***Disclaimer*** The time at the gym is waaayyyyyy better with you Linds so if your reading this FEEL BETTER!
So many times we sell ourselves short, I sell myself short, thinking it’s just not possible. The totally honest truth is that the only thing that holds me back, is me. The reasons to push ourselves are all around us, and can come in the most bizarre forms imaginable. When I open my heart and my mind even if my eyes are closed I can still move forward.