Yes, I am.
When I told Lindsey I wanted to run the Flying Pig 5K again this year with a goal of running the majority of the race instead of walking/running it, she asked me a simple question as we chatted about the best way to train.
When you stop running why you are stopping, are you out of breath? Are your legs done or is there another reason? I thought about it and I had no idea why I stopped, not really, I just stopped when it seemed right. I thought about it as I was running on the treadmill next to Linds and it did not take too long to figure out the answer. As I jabbed at the down arrow to slow my pace, I tapped her on the shoulder and told her I figured it out. I was not stopping because of my legs or my lungs, or any other reason, I stop because of my head. Somehow I had a feeling Lindsey already knew the answer but was waiting for me to figure it out on my own.
Since then I have been trying hard not to think about it, to just run, and I have to tell you it is harder than it sounds, at least in my crowded house head. I have voices telling me to stop, telling me to go, to slow down, to speed up, telling me my foot hurts, questioning if my back is okay or if I should drink more water and I am also listening to music full blast so it’s a wonder I am able to stay on the treadmill at all. Tonight though, tonight was awesome!
I was at the gym with Jonsey and Lauren (my twin) and boy is it crowded in January, I mean crisco and a shoe horn crowded! People everywhere all the treadmills occupied so after we walked around the track scoping out machines we gave up on the idea of getting anything together, so I headed off to a machine between two very fit women running. I got on the treadmill, put my headphones on and started my new running mix on my iphone, it didn’t take me long to feel like a “which one does not belong” picture in a kids book. After less then a minute I started running and after about 10 minutes a voice in my head asked when we were stopping? Shhh we are NOT supposed to be thinking about it, so take it to shuttytown inside voice! I did think to myself I do not want to be the fat girl in the middle who is walking when both sides of me are running, so I just kept running and running and running. I went to Paradise City with Guns and Roses, I walked the Boulevard of Broken Dreams with Green day, watched some Fireworks with Katy Perry and wished Melissa Etheridge would Bring Me Some Water, and when I looked up again 20 minuets had passed, I totally got this… keep going… just keep going. I ran another 5 minuets further which was by far the longest I have run in one stretch. As I was gathering up my things a guy came over and asked me if I was done with my run. I am sure he wondered what that goofy grin on my face was all about. “Yes, I am!”