dogs, donuts and devotion.
This post was written on Sunday, April 7th.
The first sign of spring peeked out from winter’s hideaway today, the sun and warmth giving hope to rebirth, growth and change. It would be the perfect morning for an adventure the day before Lindsey leaves for Knoxville.
I would pick up donuts at a little store close to my house, they are a ridiculous concoction of Oreos, a fluffy cream center given a hug by warm doughy comfort, and they are Lindsey’s absolute favorite. So much so she orders them by the dozen (extra stuffed) to take to her husband in Tennessee. Sorry Linds the secret is out, remember the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem! I swing by to pick up Jessica and her adorable dog Mr. Miyagi, with donuts in tow we head toward Lindsey’s house.
At Lindsey’s we are surrounded by brown cardboard boxes piled high with the room destinations scribbled haphazardly in black sharpie, we break
bread donuts and drink organic skim milk out of disposable foam cups. I swallow hard and try with all my might to stop the tears that rise up just beyond the reality that is setting up a place in my thoughts. In the moment, no matter how much you have prepared yourself for the big “see ya later” it’s still that unmistakable ache of letting go that always breaks my heart. I guess I must have looked like I might cry…of barf cause Lindsey reminds me that she will be back in two weeks for a couple of days…wait….”What?, Why didn’t you TELL me that?” she gives me the crook eye shaking her head “I DID tell you”. Oh, I guess she did tell me. Well I must have been too deep in my grief to comprehend that she will be back in a couple of weeks and then I am going to Knoxville the first weekend of June so it’s really not a big farewell post after all.
My friend Matt got married at the Cincinnati Nature Preserve a few years ago and I have been back to hike with him a few times, I knew the girls would love it there! We load up the car with the dogs (Mr. Miyagi, Hannah and Oscar) and leave the donuts behind setting out on a hiking adventure that would be a perfect way to enjoy the warmth of this sunny day.
We hike, and laugh and talk about past foster dogs, plans for the future and it occurs to me that I always want to skip to the final chapter of the book, I want the road map laid out perfectly in front of me with no detours, no construction and no rough road ahead. I have been on the frontlines all my life battling my aversion to change but I welcome the change this time, more importantly I welcome the chance to hang on instead of let go. As we head home, Jessica asks if I am okay, then she said to me “hey I have be working out in the afternoons, but I can switch and work out with you at night if you want”, it was just what I needed to hear, a bit of saving grace amid my doubting. I am continually amazed at the people in my life. “That would be awesome Jess, thank you”.
As I said this post was written on Sunday, I gave myself some time, to just be without thinking so much and the result is that I have a lot to say. I will be blogging more in the following days, writing about what I learned the past couple of weeks with no limits, and no accountability. Stay tuned.