The curtain is about to fall….
My days lately have been filled with much success flung into the long hours I have put into work as the height of this busy opera season was suddenly upon me. Six days of performances in a row last week, and once Sunday hits I will have worked 22 days without a day off. I am not telling you this to complain, I want you to understand my current situation. In the past week alone there have been many moments which I celebrated myself and my choices.
I managed to avoid donuts on two out of three days when they were around me, on the third day from my favorite bakery I cut a cake donut with chocolate icing in half, on my way out of the staff kitchen and to the stairs I walked briskly down 4 flights, then turned around and went back up those stairs and was glad no one was in the kitchen as I cut that half of donut in half again and took that small morsel to my desk to enjoy with my coffee. Three glorious bites. A good choice, as the urge to shove one in my mouth and also take a donut with me which would have ruined my momentum for the day….and down deep I knew the days were too long to start that toxic cycle.
Other things I avoided completely included ice cream, cupcakes, mini desserts and cookies that were fresh from the pastry shop. I also said no to invitations to go out for cocktails and late night eating when I knew the outcome would not only effect me that night but the next morning and I am trying hard to make good choices, thinking ahead and looking at the big picture of the week instead of the mentality of just worrying about the moment. Things I did not avoid by choice would be a visit to the park across from work to the Korean BBQ food truck on Friday afternoon for a short rib burrito in which every bite I savored was better than the next! I enjoyed a few small macaroons and I shared in some opening night cocktails with friends done in moderation. I brought my lunch everyday during the week except Friday, I made tofu, rice and vegetables, fruit and yogurt, whole wheat scones, grilled chicken, salmon and quinoa. On Saturday when I ordered pizza for my staff, we chose a local non chain option and I had two pieces of pizza, some salad then announced sternly that I was done…self tough love.
There was a day in which the kitchen at work was filled with a giant glowing glorious disc of temptation, I knew I would break, the stress was palatable and I knew the sugar rush would ease the anxiety for just a bit, if I went upstairs there was no way I would have made it out unscathed. In the middle of the table laid two giant chocolate chip cookies with an inch of white icing slathered in between and mounds of colored icing pipped on top of it. I saw them bring it in. I wanted it. I knew I could not trust myself…so I didn’t.
If I went upstairs to heat up my lunch where the seductive cookie was lounging it would be over, if I didn’t go upstairs I was eating my lunch cold…my tofu, brown rice and veggies looked almost embarrassed when I peeled back the lid of the Tupperware container. This really was meant to be eaten warmed up…. the decision was mine to make. As I sat at my desk chewing away at soggy cold tofu and lumpy brown rice I pulled up the dog-lbs website and I clicked on the very first post I ever wrote and read my own words “No more talking about this idea or “what I want to do” now is the time for action, and my actions and choices will determine if I stand by my commitment.”
I am still committed and I am not the person I used to be. I have struggled through this season and with 5 days left…. I will make it. August is now in sight….days of bike rides and runs, time for thoughtful writing, visiting Linds in Knoxville, spending time with friends, working with Tristan to begin walking on a leash and my return to fostering for Recycled Doggies will all fall back in line and just writing about these things instantly brings a sense of calm and a smile to my face.
As the curtain begins to fall on another summer opera season I am left knowing that while challenging there is a balance to be had to make it through the stressful times. I am also left with some great memories….
The best is always……..