43

I am sitting here writing this just a few hours before I turn 43 years old. Reflecting on the sum of all my days, reflecting on how the heck I got here. Sometimes I think we wish our lives away, counting down the days to a visit from an old friend, black sharpie check marks on a tattered wall calender until you see your favorite band play an outdoor venue in the summertime, or just the relief of finally hitting end of a TGIF week.

Like everyone there are so many experiences of love, pain, joy and fear woven into the my soundtrack of life up to this point. I thought hard about it for days and I really only have a few regrets, and only one thing I would change if I magically had the superpowers to  gently touch your sleeve and suddenly could have been enough for you to stay. I would do it in a second, each time I have thought about it over the one thousand, three hundred, sixty four days since you left but I don’t have magic powers and you moved on and never looked back.

As I get older the concept of friendship has changed, how can it not? You realize that the most valuable ones simply are, they feel like the well worn old sweater you can never throw away because it makes you feel better just knowing it’s there if you need to quietly slip it on just to feel the comfort of something familiar without a big fuss. The friendships that survive through the miles, when it does not seem to matter if it’s a month or twelve in between get-togethers…one grin and suddenly no time has passed at all, it always amazes me and I am grateful for those in my life who are not close by but make the efforts to remain a fixture in my life. Maybe it’s cliche but my enormous net worth lies solely in friends, I have no greater asset, nor do I ever want one.

I don’t feel 43, though I am not sure what 43 is supposed to feel like so I am going with the whole saying that age is just a number. I don’t want to wish anymore time away, so I am going to try my best to find the things in each day that make them special (good and bad) and be thankful, acknowledging them for what they are in the here and now. That is a pretty big test right now as opera season is in high gear, and it always seems like I am doing my very best to just get through. My postings have been very sparse and I promise they will pick up after July as well as announcing a few new challenges to get things back in gear.

Today is my birthday but it’s also Lauren’s birthday as well…. also known as my twin. In the spirit of friendship and what it means to have somebody’s back all the time in the smallest ways, in the life changing moments that suddenly become bigger than you, and in the moments of total honesty and understanding having that one friend who will look you in the eye and say, “I promise you that you do NOT have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, so STOP reading Web M.D right NOW!”

 

Happy Birthday, twin!

Happy Birthday, twin!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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