The Goodbye Girl.
I have never been very good at hiding my feelings. Even in my desperation to keep them undercover, they somehow manage to wiggle free, escaping onto the comfort of their perch loud and proud atop my worn and weathered sleeve. This post is about much more than a weigh in, it’s about choices, making memories and one of the most important people in my life.
These are the posts that are never very easy for me to write and I have thought about what to say as this week’s weigh in resulted in almost a 4lb gain. I never want to see the number go up, because that means little chance of donations for Lt. Dan and Recycled Doggies, but this race is not a sprint, it’s a twisting, turning obstacle course called life. When I stepped on the scale Monday morning, it became pretty clear that my decisions had come back to bite me right in my pudgy thigh! I felt that familiar shame bubbling up inside myself, and then Scott said to me, “You have to live your life, kid. It’s one weigh in, this is part of the road, and we knew this one would be hard with Lauren leaving. You are okay.” I landed in my chair a little bit harder than usual as I sank back down into my seat thinking about the reality of how the past couple of weeks had played out.
If you have been following my blog you know one of my dear friends is Lauren, aka “My Twin” she is my twin because she and I share the same birthday, in many ways we are polar opposites but somehow our friendship works, and over the years the relationship has come to feel more like that pair of one’s very favorite boots, you know what I am talking about, super comfortable, broken in just right, the pair that you have walked some of the best miles of your life in, and perhaps some of the hardest as well, but having those boots holding you up as you staggered along the rocky path somehow got you through to the other side, well that is how I feel about Lauren’s friendship. She leaves in a few days to start a new job and life in Atlanta. Lauren is such an amazing powerhouse of talent just waiting for a fresh, blank canvas to start her new work upon, it’s a very good thing. Changing lives, and making the world better by coloring Atlanta with her extraordinary spirit, dedication and kindness. The bad news is a complete pity party on my part, losing that connection, effortless friendship day in and day out that never seems to wavier, always remaining intact while the world spins madly on in all of its chaos, that my friends is a huge loss to me.
It’s just change, and we all know the only thing that stays the same is change. That does not make it any easier, as you can imagine there have been lots of celebrations, lunches, dinners, drinks and a few special desserts over the last two weeks in our Kaleidoscope of goodbyes. I made choices to partake in these festivities, and I do not regret it. I don’t regret sharing a cornucopia of BBQ at the “The Butt Shack” (yes that is a real place) with a group of us that have been visiting the best BBQ joints in our area for more than a year now, knocking them off the “best of” list one sticky sauced napkin at a time. Sipping cocktails, reminiscing about crazy antics we have gotten ourselves into over the years, sharing pizza at a local dive joint before going to see Lauren star in a musical, which will be the last before she leaves town. All memories now etched into my heart and time well spent because these memories will last forever and in the end those 3.7lbs will not. Here is what I want you to know, at no point did I make choices out of sadness, I did not hit a drive thru alone in tears, or get a dozen donuts at the bakery that is open 24/7 and eat them one by one in the dingy parking lot of shame at the local strip mall. The last few weeks have been a struggle, but not a punishment, and without the challenges of life how do you ever know what it’s like to rise above, be stronger than you thought and move forward. Now it’s time to refocus on me, swim, cook my own healthy food, and hold my head up high when I step on that scale in a couple of weeks.
As for Lauren, there is no doubt in my mind her strength will carry her to a new life in a new city where there are lots of lucky people who are about to have their worlds turned upside down for the better, they just don’t know it yet. I am so proud of her for being brave, for following her heart and for letting me be part of her world, and that will not change, despite the miles…mostly because I am pesky like that, once I let you in, you’re totally stuck with me. Sorry Bales. <3
“All along your way
The darkest night, the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do
Could make me turn my back on you
When you’re looking for a fight I’m your man
When you need a friend you got my hand
When you need a friend you got my hand
You got my hand.
And what I really mean what I’m trying hard to say
Is that I’m counting on you and you got me too
My secrets aren’t safe, I’m singing out of tune
If there was no you, if there was no you.”