New Year’s Revelation.
Year after year I would make the overzealous commitment to start anew once January 2nd came along. Now January 1st was generally a party, dinner or brunch of some kind and I didn’t want to miss out before I began my deal with the devil to not eat anything unhealthy, go to the gym, walk an hour three times a week, give up sugar, salt, coffee, booze, and anything that came prepackaged from my girlfriend at the time Miss Little Debbie or Sara Lee, you get the picture. It was always an unrealistic, Hail Mary set up to make this astronomical change that always ended in a failed self loathing double dip hot fudge sunday the first week of February. It never worked, but boy I hung onto the pipe dream for a very long time putting all my eggs into one basket, flinging myself into the brick wall of resolutions year after year. Let’s be clear a goal and a resolution are two different things, and we have put a huge pressure on resolutions, but goals seem to have a more obtainable groovy cool vibe to them, at least in my book.
When I look back at 2015, it’s been challenging to say the least, health issues that I never expected, falling down and hitting hard, rolling around a bit while I was down there to see just how bad it felt and if I wanted to stay. It was pretty awful but I am very grateful there were many outstretched hands to yank me back up again. Finally acknowledging that anger and frustration used to be a lifeline for me, my stringent visceral grasp of how things should be infuriating me when nothing panned out as I planned. Desperate to be in control but in so many ways we are simply not in control of much, this has been an eye opening revelation for me in 2015. I have learned this year that holding onto pain and regret is just as toxic as those New Year’s resolutions that are simply never achievable. I did what I never thought possible, pulling the plug on listening to my demon spirits for good, they have never held my truth, or the truth of others that mean so much to me. I am not a victim of anything or anyone, I am living life. Life is hard, cruel, beautiful and a giant mystery, filled with change, forgiveness and so much love.
In a world where the nightly news would have us believe there is no hope, that we have become the product of a drowning intolerance, an inferno of judgement and hatred with little change possible, I refuse to take a bite of the bitterness brownie. In our communities and neighborhoods, people are coming together, doing amazing things, changing lives, learning, growing, and loving one another despite our differences. I am not blind to the fact that bad things do happen, but being consumed by the darkness never lets in the light, and in the light is where I want o be. Chat with someone who believes differently than you do with an open heart, sit with an elderly person for a spell and just listen, compliment a friend, pet a dog, pay for a stranger’s meal, tell someone you love them even if they don’t say it back, give a homeless person an apple and acknowledge they are among us and do matter. See the world through a different lens, challenge yourself to just walk the path more connected to the world around you. There is no failure in simply living your truth on your terms, walking the path in whatever shoes are most comfortable for you. That is my wish for us all in 2016!